The Lights of Death

Is it just me, or does a stretch of green lights in a straightaway, usually located on an overpass, cause excitement to brew? The thought of travelling through multiple consecutive traffic lights without removing my foot from the long pedal is like opening the juice box after a rec-soccer championship victory. It’s like hoisting the trophy and heading to pizza hut to ravage the buffet. It’s good, it’s satisfying, its savory.

Today, the infamous state route 34 overpass traffic lights (of death) over Interstate-64 in Hurricane, WV were conquered not just once-but twice. Here’s the story:
I was travelling southbound on 34 when I came around the bend and saw a sea of green-green lights of course. At this point, the dream was birthed. The first light was a success, but there were 4 lights to go, and I know I hadn’t accomplished crap at this point. HOWEVER, the dream was becoming more and more a reality. Second light, doneski, no problem. Third light, all green, not even a hint of slowing down. 4th, 5th, VICTORY.

After pulling over and catching my breath, wiping my eyes from the tears of joy, and chest bumping several pedestrians, I travelled into the drive thru of “Tudors Biscuit World” (the greatest biscuit sandwiches of all time, despite being criticized by one who will remain nameless [AJ Johns]).

But don’t stop reading; the story doesn’t end here.

Hanging a right out of Tudors, I came to my senses and realized that the gauntlet was in front of me yet again. However, this time I had, what seemed to me (this is subject to interpretation), a message from above—I looked to my right and saw a truck with the words “The Dominator” pasted on its body. Now I don’t want to linger here for too long, but the hope that this brought me is worthy of noting. The decal that reigns supreme over all decals was like a glimmer of light in the shadow of darkness (which the traffic lights of death were casting). I immediately thought: “That decal is LITERALLY the only thing that’s lacking about my Honda Accord.” I would have slowed down and asked the guy what test he had to pass or army he had to destroy in open combat or what nation he had to overthrow, to receive such a title, but the light’s were in view and I didn’t want to show any sign of weakness before “The Dominator.” So I set my sights on the task at hand and ONCE AGAIN, made it through all 5 lights without difficulty.

So that was my Monday morning, seemingly flawless. And it would have been if it wasn’t for a faulty cap on my coffee which resulted in some spillage on my lime green Medallion Country Club polo. It didn’t stain though cause the shirt is amazing, and ridiculously comfortable.

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